Quote Of The Week: Ron Artest

Everyone knows that Ron Artest says and does some crazy things. He's done it again recently when he was kind of praising new Los Angeles Lakers coach Mike Brown.

“I think it’s good,” Artest said. “Mike Brown is a guy who got LeBron and the Cleveland Cavaliers to the championship with just LeBron and a bunch of old ladies in canes. I don’t know how he did that, I don’t know how he did that, but he’s a great coach — I played for him in Indiana. He was a great defensive mind. Rick Carlisle did all of the offense, and Mike Brown did all of the defense.”


Ouch! I know the Cavs were limited around LeBron but damn. That's worse than what ESPN's Doug Gottlieb labeled Michigan State before the NCAA Tournament, when he called the Spartans "Kalin Lucas and those other dudes". At least they got the distinction of being called dudes.

 (Thanks, Larry Brown Sports)

Judgment Day 2011; Athletes Who Will Be Left Behind

The End is Near.  No, it's not a proclamation by either the NFL regarding the lockout or the GM of the Phoenix Coyotes on the hockey team's future.   It's the Day of Reckoning for Mankind, so say the lunatic members of a doomsday group who predict the world will cease to exist after the earth is rattled by series of earthquakes and tidal waves tomorrow between 5 and 6 p.m. 

New York City has been plastered with ads warning if the upcoming Apocalypse on Saturday July 21 and how God will only spare those who are pure of heart.

So people, you don't have to fret over overdue library books or the vig to your loan shark.  Go ahead, make that nasty, drunken text to your ex because, after tomorrow, it won't matter.   It'll all be over soon.

This presumed "Rapture" will spare the souls of the pure by whisking them into heaven while the rest of mankind will be left to face their doom on the crumbling earth.  Professional athletes--however adored on earth--are not an exception and some won't be making that trip up to eternal happiness.

I believe the world must be coming to an end because how can you explain Jason Giambi jacking three home-runs the other night.  Who even knew he was still around?

And what about the Cleveland Indians?  Best team in the majors?  Come on. We're talking about Cleveland here.  That's enough evidence for me.

Tomorrow's Doomsday is just more bad luck for Cleveland all around.  The Cavaliers finally get two top-four draft picks to make up for the left-at-the alter move by LeBron James and BOOM!   No more Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or Dawg Pound.  It's over.  If it makes Cavs fans feel any better, James will be one of the fateful ones slated to be left behind--with no championships.

The Apocalypse will bring some good things.  We won't have to wring our hands about the NFL owners and the NFLPA hugging it out.  They're all on God's naughty list anyway.



And no one will have to care which team ends up on HBO's "Hard Knocks" this summer.  It's a moot point now.  Sorry Detroit Lions, you almost had your day in the sun and games on Monday nights.

Jim Tressel, I wouldn't worry about that whole deal about stipends for college players anymore.  You have bigger sweaters to fill.  Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you God is a Michigan fan.  Know what's worse than an NCAA investigation?  A Grim Reaper named Bo.

There are too many celebrities who won't be spared by the Almighty.  Arnold Schwarzenegger's ticket to heaven has already expired and don't count on any Kardashians taking the V.I.P. elevator up--or members of any reality series for that matter.  If Ahhnold had only waited a few more days before blabbing about his love child.

Tim Tebow won't have to worry.  He's a lock to be Raptured by God.

Lawrence Taylor, now that's another story.  Sorry LT, you'll be joining Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Brett Favre.  There's no room in heaven for wusses or horn dogs.  Did I mention that O.J. will be dodging rocks and waves after hitting the prison chow hall tomorrow night?

Tiger Woods didn't only drop from one big list this week.  The almighty doesn't look down too kindly on bratty golfers or philanderers.  I'm not sure in what order.

Also deserving to be left behind are the "Green Men," team mascots and any prima-donna wide receivers.  Just lump them in one annoying group and let them fend for themselves.

This just in--Lance Armstrong, things aren't looking too good for you right at this moment.  I would get out my mountain bike, it's going to be rough riding tomorrow night.  Wait.  No world Saturday means no "60 Minutes" Sunday.  You're in the clear.  Lucky you.

Jorge Posada will be spared, but the inside dirt from upstairs is that he will be batting ninth.  The Almighty is one manager you don't want to bail on and he (Yup, he's a he) makes George Steinbrenner look like a kitten or a Mets GM.

There is hope for the fallen to be sucked up into the heavenly skies tomorrow.  Michael Vick and Plaxico Burress have paid their debt to society and are deserving of second chances.  And pigeon-loving Mike Tyson will be spared--if only for his cameos in "The Hangover" franchises.  God likes raunchy buddy-movies.

I am taking all this so-called End-of-the-World talk seriously because I have proof that, on Saturday, the earth will crumble and burn.  I know, because I got a sure thing on a horse for tomorrow's 6:20 p.m. start of The Preakness.  Too bad the world ends twenty minutes earlier.  Just my luck.

Austin Carr Calls Chris Bosh A "RuPaul" Look-A-Like

Cleveland Cavs announcer Austin Carr went a little overboard when assessing Chris Bosh's appearance. During tonight's game against the Miami Heat Carr called Bosh a RuPaul lookalike.

Yes RuPaul the well known drag queen. He must think like a few of my friends at work who think Bosh may be 'suspect'.

The Story That Won't Die

I'm sure you've heard what everyone else has. You know, Jesse Jackson's statement about Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert. In a nutshell, he said Gilbert's reaction to LeBron James' departure from the Cavaliers reflected a slavemaster mentality. Sorry Jesse, I don't think it's that deep. While I don't agree with the way Gilbert reacted, I also don't think of major league sports owners as "slavemasters". Hell, James must be the most encumbered slave in the history of the United States. If making around $20 million is being enslaved, then put the shackles on me and sign me up. This adds another level of absurdity to this whole saga.

First, I don't agree with the way James put his free agent status on display. It was ridculous. Lots of people watched,but it was ridiculous. I don't agree with the way he left the Cavs in a lurch. If he knew he was going to leave, he could've told them sooner so they could proceed with a plan B. Now you know why Gilbert is so angry.

Which brings me to Gilbert. I hate to say it, but he acted like a bitch. I can understand he has to galvanize the fan base in Cleveland to sell tickets and make money. But with the fans already burning James' jersey, he did nothing but add fuel to the fire and possibly put James' life in danger anytime he sets foot in the State of Ohio. I do agree with Jackson in that regard. Gilbert knows he's lost about half the value of his team and they're about to return to the Cadavalier days and he knows it. He also knows he won't win a championship before James in Miami,but he has to be a showman to get someone to buy tickets there.

Now this is something Jesse Jackson shouldn't be involved in. It was front page and I guess he had to get involved and get in the spotlight in some kind of way. Comparing this to slavery is an insult to thosewho went through it and the descendants of those who went through involuntary servitude. Last time I checked playing in the NBA was the farthest thing from slavery, involuntary servitude, etc. Please,stay out of this one Jesse. Isn't there some hostages that need to be freed somewhere?

This story just doesn't want to die. All parties besides James, need to let go and move on.

Champagne Dreams Gone In The Wind

For the Cleveland Cavaliers organization and their fans their championship dreams are LeGone. Gone down to Miami, with the dozens of fans and thousands of others that have jumped on the bandwagon in South Beach. Right now is a desperate time for Cleveland and their fans. A group of people that have had the dagger in their heart over and over. The champagne dreams they had had with LeBron are now replaced with thirst and the taste of Steel Reserve.

From way back in 1954, when Willie Mays robbed Vic Wertz in the World Series, sports in Cleveland hasn't been the same. Sure they still can hold on to the black and white footage of Jim Brown running over the Colts back in 1964, but that's about all they have to hold on to. Let's see, there was 1981 when Mike Davis picked off Brian Sipe on that cold day in Municipal Stadium. How about The Drive and The Fumble in consecutive years, the latter which the fans of Cleveland ran Earnest Byner out of town. Never mind he was the reason the Browns were in the position they were because of him. There also was another AFC title game loss to the Broncos. There was The Shot, which brought Craig Ehlo into kids' bedrooms across America (posterized). Brad Daughtery's bad back, Danny Ferry being a bust. Art Modell moving the Browns franchise out of Cleveland. The city to reap the benefits of a Super Bowl winner, Baltimore. There was 1994, when the Indians finally righted the ship only to have a  the rug pulled out from a possible World Series winning team due to a strike/lockout. There was World Series loss to Atlanta. The memory of Joe Table (Jose Mesa) not being able to close the deal against the Marlins in 97. Or was it 98? The playoff loss to the Steelers in which the Browns wasted a sizable lead. The ALCS where the Indians blew a 3-1 lead against the Red Sox.

Cleveland's luck looked to change for the better when the Cavs drafted LeBron James. He led them to the brink of the playoffs, then went on to crash the big stage,dethroning the Detroit Pistons as kings of the East. He never made it back to the Finals,as the last two years proved to be disappointing, bowing out to the Orlando Magic and Boston Celtics in six games both years. Which leads us to this. Owner Dan Gilbert says that the "curse" will go down south with James. Sorry Dan, this ain't the Bobby Layne Lions curse here. The champagne will be replaced with Steel Reserve and Cleveland fans will remain thirsty for another 50 plus years, because as I see it right now there is no hope with the Browns, Indians, or Cavaliers. Hey Clevelanders, at least you have the Buckeyes and old Jim Brown footage. How about this, you guys can come up here and pull for our perennial losers, the Detroit Lions. 

Gilbert Is Being Foolish

With the LeBron James "decision" brings the question, where is the loyalty in sports? Quick answer. Never has,never will be. Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert found this out the hard way. Now he's acting like an angry ex wife whose husband has decided that he wants to move on because he knows things aren't going to work out.

Thing is,Gilbert tried a dirtbag move when he tried to pry Tom Izzo out of Mchigan State. Nevermind the fact that Michigan is the place where Izzo was born and raised and he bleeds green and white. He fired a coach and general manager that got the Cavaliers to their only Finals appearance in franchise history. There's no loyalty there. So,of course when James skips town, he questions his loyalty to the franchise, city of Cleveland, and the state of Ohio. Furthermore, selling James' Fathead for $17.41. The year 1741 is Benedict Arnold's birth year.

I can understand his frustration. He just doesn't have to act like a child that didn't get his way. Cavalier fans were already running around burning James jerseys and the way it was going it could've been a near riot.Then Gilbert writes his open letter to te fans to further stir up the hornets nest. I do see where he's coming from. Circling the wagons, rallying the fans, to keep some interest in his team. Especially since its value is losing millions as we speak. With the open letter, he might have saved a little value. But we all know that the Cavs are gonna be worth a 77 Pinto and a bag of hockey pucks when its all said and done. He could've done this differently. I don't disagree with what he did, just how he did it. He did this clumsily and it could cost him with high profile players in the future.

Gilbert is a businessman, a pretty good one from what I understand. I'm sure he's had to let some people go in this current economic climate. He should know this is a cutthroat world and sports isn't any different. He should go ask Mike Brown and Danny Ferry about that.