14 Will Get You Bronze

By Tony Mangia

U.S. Gets Gymnastics Medal from China

Go back ten years. The summer of 2000. President Bill Clinton was still trying play happy couple with Hillary, 'Gladiator' was bloodying up theaters, and "Smooth" by Carlos Santana was unavoidable on any radio station. No George Bush, reality television or i-pods--yet. The U.S. Olympics women's gymnastics team remembers that year in Sydney and so, apparently, did the International Olympic Committee after they stripped the Chinese women's team of their bronze medal for cheating.

The committee took away China's medal because their coaches lied about the age of one of their team members--even though the IOC still has doubts about other teammates ages then and now. The grown-up eye make-up fooled officials for the past decade but not anymore. Dong Fangxiao claimed she was 17 years old in 2000 but was outed as actually being 14. In an interview, Dong stated she was born in the 'Year of the Ox', which was 1986. Oops...what? The minimum age for gymnastic competitors is 16. I still have a hard time rationalizing this policy or condemning it. Aren't the Olympics supposed to showcase the best athletes in the world? What's worse, lying about your age because you are a superior athlete or being penalized just because you are too young?

Remember Todd Marinovich?

Supporters of the age minimum, claim it prevents still-developing children from being abused and injured. Like these same kind of kids aren't filling up gymnastic 'puppy mills' all over America, never mind Russia, Romania and China. Just check out the soccer moms at Saturday morning matches or any suburban ice rink after school. They are filled with little Michelle Kwans who can skate as good as they can walk. Supporters use China--and other countries--as examples of stealing away youngsters with athletic aptitudes from their families and forcing them into tortuous sports camps. Strip malls all over the U.S. are loaded with these types of 'recreation centers.' Whether its ballet, gymnastics, soccer, figure skating, spelling bees or boy's football-- thousands of American kids are pushed to the limit by coaches or their 'helicopter parents.' Television commercials glorify moms and dads getting their little ones to the rink for 6 a.m. ice time before school and then more practice in the afternoon. What's the difference? That these exhausted kids get to plop down in their own room every night?

The IOC took away a 14 year old girl's dream for something she was probably coerced into. It's not her fault that she was better than most of the other gymnasts. Is it her fault for being that young and talented? A gymnast's life span is short. They claim a running back's career is fleeting--by 32, you're body is broken--only with a healthy bank account. Well how about being over-the-hill by 21. How many 30 year old gymnasts are sticking it off the uneven bars or competently dangling on a balance beam? Dominique Dawes, one of the benefactors of the medal switch, and a gold medal winner herself, was asked if this decision would inspire her to return to competition. Her response, half jokingly, "Oh wait, is there a maximum age?" Oh yes, in your sport, there is.

Which brings me to the Olympic men's (boy's?) competition. There's a 14 year old British kid on the Olympic diving team. Even Freddy Adu was signed to a pro soccer contract at 15. Olympic boxing participants cannot be pros--a good idea--but hockey and basketball players can earn a living from their sports and still compete. Fourteen year-old boys play basketball and box in the AAUs and don't forget about junior hockey leagues? Where's the continuity in the Olympics? Do minimum-age proponents think the kids they are 'protecting' still don't compete outside the four year event? Cheating is using HGH or head-butting--not training, practicing and competing while at your peak. How can you call someone world champion if the real champ's only infraction was being too young?

Curls, Lutzes and Sweethearts

The 2010 Winter Olympics began with the tragic death of a Georgian luger and continued with a stone faced Wayne Gretzky, torch in hand, waiting for the centerpiece symbol of the Olympics to lift it's malfunctioning fourth leg. They were lucky The Great One's teeth weren't chattering as well since this is the first winter ceremony to be held indoors. Good thing too, since there was more snow in Hoboken. The follies continued with host country Canada trying to upstage the magnificent ceremonies of the 2008 Summer Games in China. It is mind-boggling that the country that has turned Cirque De Soleil into franchise-style entertainment couldn't muster the theatrics to make this occasion memorable. A few skiers hanging from wires and a skateboarder sailing through giant Olympic rings followed the predictable entertainment. Who knew there were that many fiddlers and tap dancers in the Great White North. I would have gone with comedy--Canada's greatest contribution to the world. Bring out comedian Dan Ackroyd and character Ed Grimley, show reruns of SCTV's MacKenzie Brothers or even an Ace Ventura movie clip. Okay, maybe not Jim Carrey. They had to truck out K.D. Lang (remember her?) for the big show. Wow!
Who knew Curling would become one of the most watched televised sports of the first week. Granted, they were broadcast every day before Oprah and the only other thing to watch are reruns of Law & Order this and thats. Whiling away February afternoons with the gentle sport of giant rocks sliding on ice is both soothing and addicting to most stay at homes. If you watched, you are either unemployed or lazy so the idea of playing a giant shuffle board game is not a challenge. Think of playing it at your local tavern while chilling your mug of beer on the ice. How difficult is it to sweep a broom. Women who play it look like you average soccer mom or bar girl. Some one you could actually talk to and maybe get a date. Try that with any of the figure skating divas. The Japanese team and a few of the Brits were actually hot. Especially when they a screaming 'hard!' and 'harder!,harder!' One problem I had was the announcer's use of the telestrater. If any sport could use it and has the time during play, curling is it. It was barely used. How difficult would it to explain and show newbies the strategies of the game by drawing lines. Everyone stands around for five minutes so do a John Madden. Exploit it!
The best sports are the Ski Cross and the Short Track Skating. Ohno rules--except for the Koreans. Gotta love the rough and tumble aspects of those events but I never knew that Olympic hockey could be so good. I never watch NHL games but I think the players have the best names in sports--Gump, Satan, LeFluer--except when Canadian players give cute nicknames to each other. Shawn becomes Shawnsie and Burns becomes Burnsie. Take off the sequin outfits, quit the triple lutzes and talk like grown ups. Speaking of lutzes, who would have thought a quadruple jump controversy in men's figure skating would lead Russia's President Putin to almost start World War III. Olympic hockey action seems faster than the NHL and, just short of fistfights (not allowed), the hits are brutal. You think when a Czech Republic player slams a Russian into the boards he not thinking "that one's for my grandpa".
All and all I'm glad the United States isn't dominating everything. The 'USA! USA!' chant is tired. We're winning and NBC's biased and smug--lose the comfy turtlenecks and cozy fireplace already-- announcers never let us forget it. The downhill skiing is great but I don't want the next 'America's Sweetheart" shoved down my throat. Lindsey Vonn is great and seeing her bikini magazine spread is cool but any sweetheart of mine is not on a Wheaties box, she's lying in bed next to me.